I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
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not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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