I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
