Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
