i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
