shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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