and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
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I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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