I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
