I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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