I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
