Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
