We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Everclear isn't food dammit
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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