Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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