If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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