Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
