I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
