I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Can I color on your dick again?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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