I will die if light touches me.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
