btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
