I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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