I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Small penises have feelings too.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
