is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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