i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
