He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
