We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
