Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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