he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
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All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
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Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
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