remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
