so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
