i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
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That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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