i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
