Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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