Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
