My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
