My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
