ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
