I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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