I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Farmville is her only friend.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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