best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
