I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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