if you like me you must not know who I am
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
