You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
