If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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