Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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