I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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