i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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