I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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