She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
