Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
