lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
its liver damage thursday
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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