Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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