Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
