You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
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omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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