At least make sure they are 18
Why
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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