I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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