It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
