dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
that may or may not have been my penis.
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