Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
