and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
