Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
