Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
there was a trapeze. enough said
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
