I'm going to jail i love you
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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