can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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