get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
