I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
