Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
