Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
