I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
