Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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