I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
