We're facebook friends in real life
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
