This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
