i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
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you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
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There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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