I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
